I wasn’t at first sure what it was called, but have settled on Valaria—or something like that. It’s one of those café-stroke-restaurant-stroke-coffee-and-cake places that’s been around for two, maybe three years, post-COVID. I’d never been, despite passing it weekly on my many sojourns to Waitrose. From the outside, it doesn’t look like much—small, unassuming, especially at night when the lights are on and the cleaning’s happening. Most cafés in Glasgow, even on bustling Byres Road, close by six or seven, eight at the latest.
Inside, it’s standard setup: tables on the right and at the back, cashier on the left with a display case—call it a tray, a gallery, whatever—showing off a huge variety of savoury and sweet pastries. I was overwhelmed by the options. It took me a full five minutes to decide while my partner ordered. The waitress came over, assuming I was ready, and I had to laugh and admit I wasn’t. Thirty seconds later, I settled on a New York roll with pistachio.
To my surprise, it was massive—much bigger and fuller than expected. Absolutely delicious. I think they specialize in French pastries, but this was next-level sensational, filled with rich pistachio cream. It was practically a meal. The photos don’t do it justice—it was grand.
My partner got a vegan carrot cake, which sparked a thought: isn’t carrot cake always vegan? Probably, if it’s made with seed or olive oil. With butter, maybe not, but it’s at least vegetarian. Everything was top-notch, including the gigantic pot of tea we got four or five cups from (above).
Some Cafe Hates –
Now, a few pet peeves.
First, people who seat themselves despite clear signs to wait. The place was cramped, and naturally, a couple—both with ginger hair, one with a ponytail—plonked down right next to us in an already tight corner. I could’ve killed them, and naturally, it was MY fault that they didn’t have any space!
Second, why do some guys insist on wearing hats (particularly baseball hats!) indoors? We had a few sporting winter beanies and backward baseball caps, which drives me up the wall. The other half stated that they could be bald? They were too young for that.
Third, the seats and booths had crumbs everywhere! Why don’t cafés keep a mini-Hoover handy?
Overall, this place is a gem. My roll was basically brunch, and the bill, including tip, came in under £20. That’s a steal for the size, quantity, and superb quality compared to other spots.
CB
Curious Bystander 